"Ladies And Gentlemen,...Bobby Beausoleil"

" (moody instrumental Bobby BeauSoleil music here)"

Bobby BeauSoleil
The Rub

Bobby BeauSoleil.

Murderer,..tattoo guy extrodinaire,....satan worshiper,...bone-smoker,....musician.


Bobby,...in spite of his faults, is a pretty cool guy. The reason I say this is because he was good enough to put all this freakin' free music up on his website.

I must admit, I like free music. I like it when someone says,

"Here,...this is free,...go ahead and just freakin' take it, man".

I went on his website and found a handful of songs that he recorded sometime in the past 40 years.

I have to say that I was pretty impressed. His forte' seems to be in the realm of cool riffs and exceptional mixing.

Instrumental music, such as Bobby's, seems to have taken a back seat to the music of the Lady Ga-gas and the Bruce Springsteens....who tend to rely on "vocals" to underscore the "message" they are tryin' to impart.

Not with Bobby,...I mean, Cupid,...no, wait,...Bobby.

He has a talent of weaving sound as if it were a tapestry of fluid emotion. His superb use of synthesizers and guitars meld the listener's ears to the story he tells....as in "Dancing With The Moon".....(Not to be confused with Dennis Wilson's, "Under The Moonlight").

It's the slow jazz style that catches one's ear upon first listen. The timing and use of laid back drums does give the impression of standin' out in a desolate backyard,...swayin' back and forth,...while lookin' at the moon....with the neighbors watchin' you from their kitchen windows.

It does make you feel like you're dancin' with the moon.

Next was "Running With The White Wolf".....a saturation of sound. A wet, audible feast for the ears. The climactic crescendo that gives one the feeling that they are, indeed, running with a white wolf,...down the street,...over the fields,....through empty parkin' lots,..... to the nearest Chipotle or McDonald's.

"The Rub" was, indeed, my favorite. A film noir soundtrack if I ever heard one. Bass exceptional,... and a breathy sax to compliment the shufflin' high hat that permeates the entire composition. The interchange between the sax and clarinet is sublime. A dose of muted trumpet underscores the sinister urge,...the sinister urge that requires the employment of a stall after a heavy cup of Starbucks mixed with bad mexican.

"Big House Blues" is a standard 12-bar-blues compilation. I'm not much on 12-bar-blues. It tends to want to make me blow my brains out. Bein' a musician myself, I have played enough 12-bar-blues to accommodate the world for the rest of it's life. 12-bar-blues are designed to engage guitar players egos. 12-bar-blues are that little self indulgence that allows mediocre guitar players to pretend to be somebody.

The bass line was really good. A lot of movement for a standard 12-bar-blue.

For freakin' free music, however, it was the best, man.

Ain't gonna argue with free music.

Ya know,...I have to say that Bobby worked really hard on these songs. He sat and thought about them. He made love to them. He fused together beautiful sounds that created a breathtaking landscape that one finds hard to deny,....hard to deny the myriad of colors he invested into his labor of love.

He put the time in and reaped the reward. He put the capital into the recording process and was able to come up with somethin' he could really be proud of.

I wish I could do that. I wish I could sit around all day,....comin' up with cool riffs,....and then bein' able to mould them together,....in a homemade recording studio,...and then releasing them on the Internet through my very own website,...that was designed with great aplomb.

I wish I could do that, man.

But!,....alas,....I have to go to that place where I have to make money so I can pay for the house that I reside in. I have to go to that job that I have,...to put food on the table and clothes on my back. I have to go to that job,....where I am in the fortunate position to be able to listen to Bobby's music at top volume,...instead of my own!

Yeah, that's a pretty sweet deal he has. His own recording studio,...instruments,...mixing boards,...website.

Ya know....not to take anything away from Bobby or anything,....but I can honestly say that his effort on that trite Kenneth Anger turd was not very good.

"Lucifer's Rising" took,...how long?,....about 30 years to finish?

It took him and Anger somethin' like 30 years to finish that self-indulgent piece of crap. I couldn't even watch it,...it was THAT bad.

Stoooopid cuts and all these asinine subtle references to things that mean nothin' to nobody 'cept Anger.

What the hell is this guy's problem, man? Why would he think that anyone would be interested in this crap?

I ain't no freakin' druid. I'm John Q. Public.

He took 30 years to create somethin' that would rob me of twenty precious minutes of life.,...I mean, I tried to watch it. I gave it a good runnin' chance.

What's with the volcanos, Ken?,....oh, rightrightrightrightright,...the spewin' forth of the depths of Hades,...I get it. Then there's the blood and the pentagrams,...right,...the whole "I'm a bad and evil man" gig. I get it, man. That's really deep, Ken.

I have seen first year film students, whacked out on weed for an entire week, make better,...and more marketable,...films than that.

I gave you the benefit of the doubt, Ken. I waited and waited,...because Bobby was gonna be in this flick,...but you let me down big-time, man.

Bogus,...with a capital B.

Bobby was supposed to be playin' Lucifer, wasn't he? I think I heard somethin' about that in freakin' 1974.

30 years invested in a twenty minute movie,....cripes almighty.

Bobby's in prison,... Anger doesn't have a freakin' job,...but it took you guys THAT long to finish one of the worst movies of all time?!

What the hell?

"Lucifer's Rising" ranks right up there with "Plan 9 From Outer Space",...'cept it doesn't have the humor,....or the endearing Ed Wood behind the camera lens.....it's got Kenneth Anger. The man who brought us the book, "Hollywood Babylon". That great picture book whose sole text is captions in the form of witty faux-poetry.

(......loved that topless pic of Peg Entwistle, Ken....oh, the hours I spent holdin' that picture with one hand,...couldn't have done it without ya. Thanks, man.)

I can come up with somethin' comparable to "Lucifer's Rising" in,...say,... about five minutes,....the time it takes me to use the can, man.

Marianne Faithfull sucked.... and I don't care if she was everyone's girlfriend,...she sucked!

(That's why she was everyone's girlfriend....because she sucked, man.)

The soundtrack went from BeauSoleil to Jimmy Page....and back again,....how many times?

Kenneth Anger can't organize a trip to the toilet,...much less produce some banal film about some stupid volcano thingy.

(And don't gimme that "existentialist" schtick,...crap,...Burb. I ain't in the freakin' mood, babe. I was out bustin' my hump on a Sunday morning so I can be a good taxpayer and help Bobby make his freakin' albums, man!....)


That's the music of Bobby BeauSoleil!,...on White Dog Records and Tapes!,...or Cd's!,...which you have to make yourself from the mp3's downloaded from:

White Dog Music

(I wanna put the link in here,....but I can't figure out how to do it. Copy and Paste doesn't work,...I don't think it'll link if I just type it in,...I dunno,...what's this button here?,...that ain't nothin'....maybe this'll work,..no,...BUUUUUURRRRRBBBBBBB!!!!!!!)




UPDATE: Here's the link to Beausoleil's WhiteDogMusic site, as requested...Dan, get your panties un-knotted already, here it is!



Anonymous said…
That's freakin awesome, man!!! And YOU didn't have to KILL anyone to write this, right?


Bobby sucked just like Faithful I guess!(LOL!)

MsBurb, can you put that linky thing in so I can hear this crap too?
plainolebob said…
knock em down. knock em out the blast out dey music
Pristash said…
Leave us mediocre guitar players out of this...
Anonymous said…

The only thing worse than mediocre guitar players are bass players. Bass players are just failed guitar players. (ex: John Entwistle)

They play bass because some mediocre guitar player kicked them to the curb.

I should know,..I play bass.


Anonymous said…

I do so every night. It's the perks of workin' in a plant where the total number of people on the shift equals a whopping 9.

Anonymous said…

Thanks, B....You are the best boss a guy could ever hope to have.


Anonymous said…
Say Dan,...that was a pretty insightful and humorous post!

You should post more funny posts like your last post!

I like it when you post! Tell that lady she should let you post more!

Anonymous said…
Why thank you, anonymous!

I will post more funny stuff about the Manson gang!

They're funny people!


Pristash said…
Dan, I am beyond mediocre on the bass myself....
Anonymous said…

Hey man,...wanna form a band?

I know this drummer who really likes to work the cymbals,....he's always game to join a band.

I think he's in three.


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